On Christmas day I gave my phone the middle finger.
Well, more like, I scrolled through my Facebook feed to see how friends, family and certain acquaintances were celebrating Christmas and ran into someone who posted a photo of an ultrasound hanging from their Christmas tree with an announcement of ‘baby to be coming 2020’ – and then proceeded to give my phone the middle finger.
Don’t get me wrong, in the long run, I’m happy for anyone who gets to have that proud moment, announcing to the world that they’re expecting a kiddo on the way.
But after trying to get to that point for the past two years (which feels much longer than that), including fertility appointments, being told what time and what days to have sex with my husband, and having things shoved up my va-jay-jay, I can’t help but feel annoyed when a newly married couple get to have that moment.
Or feel jealous when I see friends post photos of their babies or toddlers around the Christmas tree.
Envy, I know, is a nasty thing. I also know some of these people probably have dealt with the same biological issues we do, and are enjoying their victory.
I’m thankful I have my husband, whose endured my breakdowns and my over-emotional rants, especially through treatments.
Since 2017, we’ve been through a surgery, various tests, timed intercourse and several IUIs. We just recently moved a few months and I’m looking forward to meeting my new fertility doctor next month in hopes we can begin the next step, IVF.
For Christmas, my awesome husband got me a Hope morse code necklace as well as a book written by a fellow lady, Lori Shandle-Fox, who has gone through the same struggles. I’ve only just read the first three chapters of Laughing Is Conceivable, but she always manages to make me smile and chuckle as she shares her own experiences on this journey we’ve been given.
I’m hoping to share with you my own journey through infertility. I hope it helps others, as well as myself to get these thoughts out while I also live my life, run and work.